Currently my confidence is at an all-time high. I have a great support system, including my friends and girl friend. I am accomplishing my goals as an athlete and more importantly, a student-athlete. I can’t ask for anything else because if I did, I would label myself a brat. I said currently my confidence is at an all-time high for a reason though. I haven’t always loved myself. Actually, I used to hate myself.
I was caught up in a whirlwind of high school emotions and pressures. I tried telling myself that I was friends with different groups of people because that is what. “good people do.” I must have been kidding myself. I turned my back on people that were the most genuine, meanwhile the faker of the bunch were the people I looked up to. I was on the basketball team and apparently that meant that I am a gift from the heavens. I was compensating because I hated myself.
I was too busy telling myself that I wasn’t good enough to be in this group and too good to be in that group. I don’t understand my thought process, but that is the way it was. I was caught up in societies thoughts on how my body and mind should be. I had to be a tough, buff and confident man. Society was telling me to get bigger by gaining muscle and to become tougher than every other testosterone filled high schooler. Luckily, I am done with that part of my life.
I won’t succumb to what society tells me to be. I will continue to be what some people say is a small, skinny, weak kid. People can call me whatever they want because my emotional high is a million times more satisfying than my physical low. I will continue to accomplish and treat people in a way that can’t be questioned. I’m not a guy of perfect treatment, but what I do have is awareness. I am aware of what I do wrong and how I can fix it. It is my choice and a choice I am willing to make.
Like I said, my confidence is at an all-time high. Hating myself is a distant memory. Hopefully it is a memory for you as well. 🙂